WASHINGTON, DC (RHP)


After spending millions to upgrade US paper currency, the federal government has found enough leftover cash to launch a television advertising campaign promoting the new and improved, prettier, more colorful money.

“All that extra currency was just laying around doing nothing,” complained an anonymous administrator with the US Department of the Treasury. “If we didn’t spend it, no one knows what might have happened to it. Sometimes they destroy—uh, put money to sleep—you know.”

Market research conducted by the Treasury Department before the rollout of the new and improved money showed that the vast majority of Americans wouldn’t even notice the change, much less appreciate it, necessitating the use of a slick television advertising campaign.

The ads have already drawn fire from credit card companies and primitive organic communes alike.

“How are we supposed to compete with cash money if the government is advertising the crap all over TV?” asked Cal Usury of the Center for Credit Card Promotion (CCCP).

Meanwhile, a fragrant, hirsute nudist at the Rainbow Village commune outside Austin, Texas, refused to speak to reporters, though he and several commune members did burn a two dollar bill in silent protest.

But perhaps the best analysis was offered by the eccentric Harvard-trained economic philosopher David Henry, who leaned on his hoe and quipped from his bean field, “Money is the root of all government.”

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