Godspeed to Rush in his recovery.

WAR ON DRUGS, WAR ON POVERTY TO MERGE, CREATING ‘WAR ON POOR PEOPLE WHO USE DRUGS’

NEW HAVEN, Connecticut (RHP)

A handful of wealthy conservatives meeting in a supersecret session of the Skull and Bones Society has reportedly decided to streamline the federal government by merging two broad social campaigns.

The powerful but secretive Ivy League society, which purportedly exercises a profound influence on government policy, met this weekend at its exclusive Yale University clubhouse in response to the earthshaking confession made by conservative icon Rush Limbaugh that he is “addicted to prescription pain medication” (a junkie.)

Limbaugh has been an outspoken supporter of the War on Drugs, regularly ridiculing “dope-smoking hippies” on his radio program and insisting that “drug users should be convicted and sent up.”

A supersecret spokesman for both the Skull and Bones Society and the Republican National Committee explained, “We simply cannot in good conscience continue to fight a massive war on drugs when our philosophical leader has admitted to being whacked out of his skull for the last six years.

“Therefore, we are proposing that the War on Drugs be merged with the War on Poverty, creating a new, improved war that America’s rich and powerful can all get behind.”

The “War on Poor People Who Use Drugs” will be launched with a massive public relations campaign starring none other than Rush Limbaugh himself. The campaign slogan: “We get five-star rehab. You get five to ten.”

©2003 rebelholler.com