An Open Letter to the Girl Left Behind

by Jim Moore

03/31/2003

One of the most heart-rending episodes in a serviceman's life is not tangling with the enemy. It is his head-on encounter with the agonizing feeling of helplessness and despair when he gets a "Dear John" letter from the girl who left him while he's at war. 

A "Dear John" letter, for those who aren't old enough to remember World War II, is the letter a soldier or sailor gets-- from his girl friend, fiancé, or wife-- telling him that she has re-considered their relationship and decided to call it quits,

During my time in the service I saw many guys get those letters And each one ripped the heart out of some G.I.

Of course, the reasons for "Dear Johns" are never the same, Even so, they all come with a heavy burden of heartaches and tears.

There is the unbearable waiting for "him" to come home; the temptation to start dating again; the attraction of some guy who's closer to you than "he" is; the realization that you made a mistake and can't go through with it; and perhaps the most frequent, and poignant, "Dear John" of all---the new dude who knocks you off your feet, and steps into the shoes of your guy in service.

It may be the way things go in this world, particularly during war times, but "Dear Johns" have a way of making every war longer and more bitter than it is. 
I enlisted in the army in November, 1942. At that time, I was going "steady" with "the" girl. When I was informed that my unit was going to California, and from there to the South Pacific, she and I decided to get engaged, but not married, before I left. We made a promise never to separate again, but, with the unspoken possibility that I might not come home, we figured it best not to marry at that time..

I don't know how we would have handled the situation had we known that, yes, I would be coming home---but until January, 1946. 

Three years is a long time to wait for anybody. Especially a bozo like me.

To make a long story short, I married "the" girl a month after I got back from overseas, and as the years went by we had four precious daughters (now all married) and plenty of life's ups and downs.

I tell you this because two nights ago, while watching the troops fight the dust storms and the Iraqi soldiers, I thought about you---the girl left behind. About how you are now separated from him, how you both agonized at his leaving, and how helpless you felt when he boarded that ship or plane.

With God's grace, your man will come back, but how long will he be gone? In this crazy war who can say? It is, and will continue to be, tough on both of you. If children are involved, it may be even tougher. 

But I'll be honest with you. In many ways, this separation from each other will be tougher on him than on you. Not because of the enemy that he has to fight, or the foreign environment which will get to be almost unbearable, and that he might get wounded, or even killed.

No, I can tell you from experience, a soldier's most troubling thought---though subtle and often subconscious---is that you might get tired of waiting for him, and. being where he is, he's unable to do anything about it.

That night I saw the troops on TV, and watched the guys, one by one, come into camera range and say Hi, I'm doing okay, and hope to be coming home soon, I could not resist going over to my wife, putting my arm around her and telling her, not just that I love her, but how much I appreciate, really appreciate, that she waited patiently for three long years for me to come home from the war.

While in the Pacific, she wrote me hundreds of letters, which I am ashamed to say I took my sweet time in answering. Which is one more reason why I consider it a true blessing that she overlooked my literary neglect and waited for me just the same.

It would be naïve to believe that my woman didn't date while I was gone. I wouldn't expect her not to. After all, she was, and still is, a very attractive lady. But the bottom line is: I never got a "Dear John" letter. She waited for me, and that was all that ever mattered.

Sure, time changes things. How you feel about some one now can change with time. That is part of what life is all about. So if you have a guy fighting in a war far from home, and separation from him is in the cards, so be it. It happens

But before you tell him goodbye, remember, there is nothing more demoralizing to a guy on the battlefield than a "Dear John" letter from the girl he thought was waiting for him. 

Conversely, you might also remember this---there is nothing that lifts the spirits of a soldier on the battlefield more than having his girl tell him that she loves him and is waiting for his return.

That night, when I teasingly asked my wife, Why, with all that was going on in your life, did you wait three years for me to come home? She thought for a moment, then answered, "Because that's what I promised to do."

After a half century of marriage, I still believe those are the words every soldier who is overseas wants to hear most. 


Jim Moore
Jmoore1819@aol.com