Hempsteria

Justin Darr
03/06/2005

Last week, my wife and I were invited to eat dinner at the home of some of our more liberal friends. Or, I should more properly say, my wife was invited and I came along because I come with the set. Do not take this the wrong way. I have nothing personally against this couple. They are intelligent, friendly people, and other than the fact that they are a pair of short sighted, pseudo-intellectual, tie dye wearing liberal freaks who hold a burning resentment against me because I am usually right, I can tolerate them for short periods every few weeks. 

This week was their turn to host dinner. So, as with most things in life, there is good and bad in all situations. For example, by going to their house I do not have to deal with their critiquing my home's recycling program, but by going to theirs I am forced to endure whatever collection of sticks, small stones, and berries constitutes a vegetarian meal. This week was no exception as we were treated to yet another half raw meat, cheese, salt and taste free dinner. As I finished eating and my mind was turning to thoughts of what kinds of real food I would eat once I got home, my hosts asked if I would like some chocolate non-dairy, frozen, naturally sweetened confection. This is close enough to be ice cream for me, so I accepted. 

As my host gave me the bowl, he asked me with a smile if I would like some hemp seeds on the top as a garnish. Ah, yes, it was evidently time for yet another of my friends' attempts to entrap me into a lecture about the evils of something. I knew that if I was to refuse the hemp seeds, then I was guaranteed at least a 45 minute long tirade about the need to legalize marijuana. Willing to avoid this at any cost, and knowing that hemp is the non narcotic form of marijuana, I accepted. My hosts' crestfallen stares was proof to me that I have managed to spoil their planned entertainment for the evening, so they immediately switched to "Plan B" and began their sermon anyhow about how wonderful hemp is and how if everyone grew it there would no longer be any problems in the world.

Did you know, I was told, that a bunch of people out west just drove a car the entire way around the country powered on nothing but hemp seed oil? How much does hemp seed oil cost? About $160 a gallon. I think I will keep using regular unleaded. 

Did you know that another bunch of people out west just built an adobe brick house out of nothing but mud and hemp stems? Hope it does not biodegrade by spring. And so on it went. 

Other than the fact that there must be a lot of goofy people "out west" who think they can fly to the moon in a hemp rocket, all I learned is that some people are willing to say and do anything in order to try to make marijuana use culturally acceptable. Up to and including, overstating the benefits of hemp.

The fact of the matter is almost any vegetable matter can be processed into some form of fuel. We have been using ethanol for decades in our engines and it is made from corn, and many other types of legal crops can do the same, such as wheat, soy beans, and alfalfa. There is nothing unique in hemp's ability to modify into fuel that cannot be accomplished with a preexisting farm crop.

The same can be said for fabrics and paper, which the "hemp-maniacs" point to as hemp's most vital contribution to society by offering us a renewable and biodegradable alternative to cutting down trees and abusing sheep by cutting off their wool. Sorry to say, many other crops can also be used in this capacity, such as rice stalks and corn husks. In fact, other staple crops far exceed hemp in its usefulness in creating environmentally friendly products. Corn and soy beans can actually be processed into biodegradable plastics and polymers that can be used in industries and textiles. But these crops are not illegal and a slightly different variety of them cannot get you high, so liberals just ignore them. 

Maybe it is the allure of something almost illegal that attracts the left to hemp. How can society be so short sighted as to overlook the benefits of this great plant just because it is hard to tell apart from a controlled substance? Well, if something almost illegal is what the left likes about hemp, then they should go batty over tobacco. The tobacco plant is known as one of the biotech industry's "white rats." It is by far one of the easiest plants to bioengineer, and the fact that an average plants yields over 1 million seeds, makes it an invaluable tool for scientific research. One day very soon, pharmaceutical products in human medication and vaccines may be grown in tobacco plants, as well as the plastics used in consumer products. That is unless liberal politicians do not tax the plant into extinction first. 

The hemp seeds on my almost ice cream tasted like dirt, by the way. Or maybe the dust off your television screen would be a better description of what hemp tastes like. My dinner experience is like the entire hemp use issue in a nut shell. Hemp is nothing but an old outdated crop that does not offer society anything that cannot be attained elsewhere much more readily at a far cheaper price. But people still persist in trying over inflate its usefulness because they think that it would make a good cover for the "real" crops they are trying to grow in their gardens. If you are actually concerned about farmers, renewable sources of raw materials, and biodiversity, then why not stop bothering us with your hemp extract hand sanitizers and expend your energies on something that might actually work.

© 2005 Justin Darr
justindarr@juno.com
http://justindarr@tripod.com